Cocktail Thursday: Colorado Edition

I think it says a lot about this game that the schools' respective mascots and their prodigious placekickers have received more press attention than any other aspects of the game. If I were an objective observer, aimlessly flipping channels on Saturday afternoon, I'd think this one is a stinker too. In fact across the landscape of college football, this week is chockful of turkeys incapable of holding your interest. Consider it a necessary Karmic adjustment following footballpocalypse '06.

I'll be in Athens on Saturday, and I'll be easy to find. I'm the chunky guy wearing red and woofing. Seriously , you can't miss me. Since I'm in town I'll be watching the game, but as I said before, I'm mostly just there to pet the buffalo. As Nathan of Golden Tornado pointed out in The Only Analysis that Matters, Part 4, there are very few mascots better than those capable of disemboweling their human handlers, even when said mascot is not inclined to disembowel anything other than a bale of alfalfa. As long as the Dawgs don't go completely lackadaisical, I won't be too concerned. Just win, baby.

In honor of Ralphie, I suggest you mix up a batch of Hairy Buffalos. Yes, that's actually a drink. No, you don't want to drink very many of them or you'll be embarassing yourself before halftime and asking Ian Smith for a recommendation on a bale bondsman. The ingredient list:

1 fifth gin
1 fifth Bacardi 151 (caution, flammable!)
1 fifth tequila (ditto)
1 fifth Vodka (Absolut-ly flammable)
1 fifth Tennessee whiskey (Jack Daniel's, if you please.)
Your choice of fresh fruit, cut (apples, oranges, pears preferable. Warning, store separate from wandering buffalo to avoid loss.)
2 cans Fruit punch
Ice cubes

You'll also need a trash can, barrell, or other recepticle capable of withstanding the combination of the above ingredients. Pete Carroll's alibi in the Reggie Bush dustup would work in a pinch, 'cause that sucker is watertight. Plausible deniability, baby.

Mix all ingredients in your corrosion resistant recepticle of choice and enjoy. Oh, and I recommend you soak the fruit in the mixture overnight to get the full effect. And if you see Michael Adams, tell him that buffalos really love it when you pull their tails.

I'll be back tomorrow with the things to look for against Colorado. Until then, you've got fruit to marinade. Oh, and if you see Michael Adams, tell him that buffalos absolutely love it when you pull their tails. Go Dawgs!